Monday morning

Rushing, rushing everywhere,
Never a moment, to really spare,
Can’t believe, it’s Monday already,
And off to school, we run and hurry,
Taking out grown men as we go,
Whoops, I think I ran over one’s toe,
On the pavement with my gigantic buggy,
I’m sure he didn’t find it particularly funny. 

Thank fuck, we’ve made it to school on time,
When people ask I say, “I’m fine”,
But really, all I want to do is run,
Away from my children and have some fun,
Drink wine and dance till dawn,
Between my mummy duties, I am torn,
Perhaps when my parent’s are back from their hols,
We’ll have a night out and let the good times roll. 

My lovely children 

Oh my lovely children who I love so dear,
Are becoming little fuckers I am starting to fear,
What the stay at home mothers who make every darn thing,
Will think of me now because I am so ming,
Always covered in stains and hairs out of place,
I wish I had time to do up my face.

The relentless, endless, competitive playdates,
Neurotic mum’s, who dictate their child’s mates,
It’s hard enough having a child,
And then depriving them of being too wild,
No TV, no sugar, no scooting too far,
Judgement day beckons as I do the pick up by car.

I’ve decided that I won’t try to compete with those tiger mum’s,
I’d rather be happy and have a big tum.

My house has become a chaotic mess,
As I run around trying to find a clean dress,
Between the piles of endless shit,
I must keep going to find one that fits,
Finally see one and check it for stains,
As I look across the room I see my son starting to strain.

No, no, no – not on the floor I need to leave to catch my train,
Now I’ll be late and stinky again,
I wish the little bastard would just use the loo,
To save me from having to pick up his poo,
I heard dysentery is making a come back,
Probably due to all us mothers dealing with crap.

Welcome to motherhood, it’s far from fun,
But just remember you’re not the only one.